What About Love?
by Sidnika
Summary: Shoker one-shot, basically just smut. Joker's feeling angry about Shepard letting Kaidan back on the Normandy. Set in ME3, some minor spoilers. Rated M for a reason!


**This has been on my computer forever but I've never uploaded it. Basically Shoker smut. Don't like that, don't read! But if you do like, please leave a review! :)**

_What about love that lasts forever?  
><em>_What about time to see it through?  
><em>_If you don't give you just don't get it  
><em>_What about me?  
><em>_What about you?  
><em>_What about love?_

**Meat Loaf - "What About Love?"**

Joker needed some air. He marched out of the club as quickly as he could, slamming his hands down onto the railing that surrounded the balcony and breathing hard. He couldn't believe Alenko. Or Shepard, for that matter. How she could just forgive him and grant his wish to come back and serve on the Normandy was beyond him. Alenko had _betrayed_ her when he refused to believe her about the collectors on Horizon, and then questioned her again on Mars, but apparently all that was needed was a cerberus attack on the Citadel, and suddenly all was well again.

He gritted his teeth so hard he was amazed they didn't shatter. The way Alenko had swooned over her in there made him nauseous, it was like on the SR-1 all over again. First he accuse her of betraying the Alliance and everything she stand for, then he accuse her of being a husk, and then he has the fucking _nerve_ to go on flirting with her like nothing's happened! And Shepard is so caught up in everything that she probably didn't even realize that he _was_ flirting. _Shit_.

Joker took his cap off and ran his hand through his short hair before putting the hat back where it belonged. The fact that he got so upset about the whole thing shattered the lie he had tried to make himself believe for the last 4 years: that he wasn't in love with her. _Stupid_.

She was Shepard. She had let Kaidan down gently on the SR-1, but still let him down, and from the gossip among the other women on the bridge (did they seriously believe he couldn't hear them or did they just forget he was there?), he gathered that they couldn't understand how she could pass that ass up. She had ignored Jacob's and Kelly's advances during the collector mission, even Thane's and he was a dying man, she would have granted him any wish but that. Why should he himself get any different? She obviously held to the frat regs and would keep doing so, even if they were in the middle of a war with ancient machines that could shoot laser beams out of their fucking _legs_.

There would be no use in telling her.

Joker almost jumped as the doors behind him swished open, but didn't turn around to se who came out. It was a busy night in the club and although he was alone on the balcony at the moment, a lot of people came out there to catch their breaths after dancing. If you could call it dancing, most of them were just waving their arms in the air like madmen.

It wasn't until he felt that faint fragrance of spices and the heat of another body next to him that he realized Shepard was standing beside him. He stole a quick glace at her before directing his eyes forward again. She was wearing black jeans and a green t-shirt that hugged her curves perfectly, and the long black hair was let down for once. He almost jumped again when she nudged his shoulder with her own.

"Hey. Why did you leave?"

"Warm in there." he muttered, sure that she wouldn't be convinced by his lie, and she didn't disappoint.

"Right. So why did you really leave?"

He squirmed. This would be the perfect time to tell her. If he was going to. And he wasn't.

"Alenko was annoying me."

"How so?" She had turned towards him now, and he was momentarily distracted by her hand, putting a few stands of loose hair behind her ear. If she was concerned about the fact that she had to drag the words out of him, she didn't show it. He didn't know why himself, he usually babbled on, saying anything snarky that came to mind, but right now nothing came up.

Without even thinking of his answer he just blurted out "He acts like nothing has happened, like he didn't say all those things to you just weeks ago! Like Horizon never happened!" His anger came back with renewed force as he thought about it and his hands clenched around the railing once again. His eyes were directed forward, out over the ward, unseeing. He just wanted to punch Alenko in the face, to tell him that he was not welcome on _their_ ship, but that wasn't his call, of course. And Shepard had said he could join them again.

He actually jumped when she put her hand on his shoulder and turned to face her in surprise. The dark brown eyes of his Commander held his own in a steady gaze. She seemed to be searching his eyes for something but he wasn't sure of what. Not that he cared at this point, she was _so close_. He could just move his head forward a little and her lips would be his. He didn't, though. He didn't have that kind of nerve.

"Why are you so upset about it?"

She obviously hadn't found what she was searching for in his eyes and had to ask. He didn't know what he was going to answer and just stood there dumbfounded. A thousand thoughts flickered through his mind, with a thousand scenarios as possible outcomes. How would she react if he told her that he loved her? Dared he? If not, what the hell would he tell her? _Say something, you idiot! _

He opened his mouth but no words came out, and he ended up just gaping over and over like a fish. _Nice job_. Since when was he ever speechless? He always had a sarcastic comment up his sleeve! He could see the corners of her mouth starting to turn upwards, along with her eyebrows, and suddenly he just wanted to wipe that smirk of her face. She was not allowed to laugh at him. _To hell with it._

He moved faster then he'd thought he could and took hold of her head with both hands before pressing his mouth to hers.

His whole body tingled, most of all his lips that felt like they were on fire, and his head felt strangely empty of thoughts. In the darkest corners of his mind he had imagined what kissing Shepard would be like, but in those dreams it had been a completely different sort of kiss. It would have been gentle, and initiated by both of them at the same time. It would have been a bit nervous, like gentle probing and finally opening their mouths to each others tongue. This was a hard kiss, demanding and rough, and he'd taken her completely by surprise. He almost smiled at the thought of how unaware of his intentions she had been, but his mind suddenly caught up with what his body was doing and he was filled with panic. _What the hell am I doing?!_

He pulled back and released her head as if he'd been burned. She looked just as shocked as he'd imagined, but he was nowhere near laughter now. He was terrified. They stared at each other in silence for a few seconds before his flight instincts finally got the better of him.

Without saying a word he turned to walk away, and he was almost at the door when he felt her hand on his arm, stopping him. He turned around to face her, not wanting to see the look on her face but some masochistic part of him forced his eyes there.

_She doesn't look mad_. That was the only thought he had time to think before she pulled him close and brought her lips up to meet his again. If the first kiss hadn't been anything like he'd imagined, this was. The fire he'd felt in the last one was increased tenfold at the knowledge that _she'd_ instigated this. Her lips were soft and warm against his and he could feel her hands slipping up his chest and landing at the nape of his neck, holding him there. As if he'd want to go. His own hands were placed on her waist but he was only dimly aware of them, most of his awareness was focused on their joined lips and the way her tongue was brushing against him, asking him to open his mouth.

He opened up to her without thinking, and suddenly her tongue was in his mouth, sending electrical shocks through him every time her tongue brushed his own. He groaned and his hands tightened on her waist as he pulled her closer to him and pressed into the kiss, demanding her tongue against his own. He could hear her whimper in her throat and the sound only made him braver, proving that she was enjoying it as much as he was.

She ground her hips against his, and he accidentally moaned into her mouth when he felt her hip rub against his erection. The sound seemed to bring her out of her trance and she broke the kiss and pulled away a little, but not enough to lose the body contact between them. They were both breathing hard, and Joker was sure he looked as flustered as she did. Her hair was wild around her face and her lips were red and swollen. She was more beautiful then ever, he couldn't stop staring at her.

She let out a chuckle and lowered her head, but he could see the blush creeping up her face. _Really?_

"Well... "

"Yeah." There really wasn't much else to say.

Joker's confused mind tried to make sense of what just happened but he came up with nothing. Pity kiss? Nah, she'd been into it _way_ too much.

"Maybe we should move this someplace else. Would look bad if someone found 'The Great Commander Shepard' making out with her Flight Lieutenant." She rolled her eyes as she said it and Joker chuckled.

"Wouldn't want to ruin your perfect reputation. You know, joining up with terrorist organizations and shooting councilors and stuff."

"Trivialities" Her eyes glittered as she smirked.

He still had his hands on her waist and he couldn't believe how normal this felt. This wasn't normal at all, he'd just made out with Shepard and she was talking about continuing somewhere else, but all in all it just felt... like home.

"Come on."

She grabbed his hand and steered him towards the doors, but when he realized that she was leading him back into the club he stopped. She tugged at his hand but he wouldn't move. The last thing he wanted was to go back in there with Alenko's ass kissing.

"I don't wanna go back in"

"Alright, stay here and grab us a cab. I'll tell the others that I'm leaving"

He nodded, but regretted it all when she let go of his hand. He got them a cab and stood by it as he waited for her to come back out. He was starting to get nervous that she'd gotten cold feet and decided to stay with the others before she finally emerged from the doors, heading towards him with long strides. The moment she was next to him, she caught his hand in hers again and he beamed at her without meaning to. _What was that? I never beam, I smirk._

"Sorry, took a while to get away"

The cab ride back to the Normandy was the longest Joker could remember. It felt like forever, and made worse by the fact that the driver immediately recognized Shepard, effectively keeping them at different sides of the cab to avoid his suspicion.

When they got into the decontamination chamber, Joker turned towards her, only to have her back him up against the wall and kissing him senseless. He wanted his hands all over her and cursed inwardly for not having more then two, moving them up and down her back, cupping her ass and pulling her into him. She moaned into his mouth and her own hands fumbled with his shirt before getting under it and caressing his skin. Her every touch seemed so hot he was sure she'd leave scorch marks that he'd find in the morning, but he couldn't care less.

The airlock swished open and they broke apart, both of them panting. The look in her eyes made his knees go week, they were filled with a desire that made her eyes stand out in her face, enhancing their chocolate color and giving her a wild look.

They headed towards the elevator as fast as they could through the almost abandoned CIC, her long stride making his limping one fall behind and the erection in his pants felt almost painful as he tried to move as fast as his legs would carry him. She waited at the elevator and held the door open with her hand, offering him a smile as he got in as well. Not a word had been exchanged but there was no doubt where they were heading.

He had only been in her quarters a few times before but he remembered every part of it like the back of his hand, and he steered her towards the fish tank and pressed her up against it the moment they got inside. She made a startled sound that was muffled as he pressed his mouth against hers.

He had no idea of what was going on. Less then an hour ago he had been seething because of Alenko and now here he was, making out with the Commander in her own cabin. Slightly dominating her even, having her pressed to the cool glass like that, and by the sounds she was making he could tell she enjoyed it. He didn't even know if she felt anything for him or if she was just horny, but in that moment he honestly didn't care. All that mattered was the feel of her body against his, her hands under his shirt, her soft skin, her scent and those delicious sounds she was making at the back of her throat. It was enough to make a man go crazy.

He pressed himself harder against her and pushed her t-shirt up so he could run his hands up her sides. Her own hand tugged at his shirt and he took a step back to get it off, as she did the same, his hat tumbling to the floor as well. For a few seconds they just stared at each other. She was the most beautiful thing he'd ever seen, slender and fierce with her dark skin and black locks that curled all over her shoulders, and by the hungry look in her eyes as she let her eyes travel over his own body, she must have felt the same.

Her gaze met his, and without breaking eye contact, she reached behind her back and undid the clasp of her bra, flinging the fabric aside and stood in front of him with her hands at her side, naked from the waist up.

He couldn't help himself and launched forward, catching her lips with his and her breasts with his hands, making both of them moan. She kissed him back hungrily, her hands roaming his taut stomach, up his chest and then down again. He marveled at the way her firm breasts fit perfectly into his hands and pinched her nipples between his thumb and index finger, making her squirm and moan.

The sounds she made and the way her body was reacting to him made him excited beyond anything he'd ever felt before. He wanted to touch her all over, taste her all over, feel every little bit of her body against his. Suddenly, their pants felt like obstacles they needed to get rid of as fast as possible.

He grabbed her hips and kissed her again, walking backwards towards the sleeping area, and she followed willingly. He knew walking backwards towards the stairs were a bad choice with his condition. If he fell and broke something the whole night would be ruined and he wanted nothing of the sort. Luckily, she seemed to be thinking along the same lines, as she switched their positions so she was walking backwards, all the while without breaking their kiss.

They made it to the bed without any broken bones and he pushed her down upon it. She raised herself on her elbows and looked with him with a sultry smile that made his blood boil. He needed her. Now. He crawled on top of her, kissing her with all he had and she responded in kind. He didn't want to crush her and balanced himself on his elbows, but she tugged him down and he finally gave in, leaning his whole weight onto her. It didn't seem to bother her though, since she moaned and squeezed her hands in under his jeans, grabbing his ass.

The feel of her breasts rubbing against his chest with every move made him completely crazy and he broke the contact with her lips to trail kisses along her neck and collarbone, finally arriving at her breasts, which he kissed all over. He trailed his tongue around one nipple, teasing her, before flicking it across, making her moan and arch into his mouth.

His erection was painfully hard inside his jeans and he took one hand from her to adjust his pants to a more comfortable position. She took that chance to surge up and flip him onto his back. He let out a surprised grunt that turned into a moan as her deft hands caressed the bulge in his pants before starting to unzip his jeans. She lowered her head and placed open mouthed kisses on his lower stomach before finally getting his pants open and freeing his throbbing manhood.

Still, not a word had been said since before the cab ride.

She pushed his pants down all the way, took her time to get rid of his boots before rendering him completely naked on her bed. She stood up and observed him, and he was more then a little pleased by the way her eyes lingered in certain places, admiring him. He cleared his throat and smirked when she had stood there, unmoving, for several seconds.

"Not that I'm complaining about the situation, but you are wearing too many clothes compared to me. Hardly seems fair." He didn't even recognize his own voice.

Her eyes snapped back to his and she smirked before starting to unzip her own jeans. She bent over to take off her boots and soon the great Commander Shepard stood naked before him, in all her glory. He couldn't do anything but gawk. She was all he had fantasized about, and more. She had scars on several places but they were all perfect and told the story of the brave woman in front of him. How she'd managed to get so many new scars after Cerberus rebuilt her was beyond him, but he adored every one of them. Her legs seemed to go on forever and the small patch of hair where they met made his breath catch in his throat.

She had a sultry smile on her lips as she started to crawl up his body, deliberately letting her breast touch his erection on the way up. She kissed him like he'd never been kissed before, like she was starving and he was her salvation, hungry and demanding. When they finally broke apart, both of them were panting. That wild gleam in her eyes made Joker let go of any inhibitions he had left and he took his throbbing member in one hand, guiding himself to her entrance.

He looked up at her, asking permission with his eyes, and she gave it to him by angling her hips and placing her hand over his, guiding him inside her. The sensation of her hot, tight channel around him was overwhelming and his hips bucked involuntarily while he moaned loudly. She placed her hands on the side of his head as she started to move up and down on him, agonizingly slow. Her eyes were closed and she was breathing hard, trying to maintain the slow pace she'd set.

"Look at me."

Her eyes snapped open at the sound of his voice and her intense gaze focused on his as they moved together.

Finally he couldn't stand it anymore and grabbed her hips to force a faster pace. She happily obliged and he brought his thumb down to circle her clit as she moved, eliciting a loud moan from her. Their breathing increased as they both neared their climax. Joker wasn't sure how long he'd be able to hold on, but he desperately wanted her to come before him. He put his thumb directly on her clit, slowly increasing the pressure as her pace became faster and more erratic and bucking his hips with every move she made.

They were still keeping eye contact but he knew he wouldn't be able to keep it up when he came, and that point was nearing faster then he'd prefer. Shepard was getting louder as well and he could tell she was near her climax. The pace had gone from slow to fast and forceful, had he not had the upgrades from cerberus his pelvis would have shattered by now. _Must remember to send TIM a thank you card. _

"Oh, god... keep doing that... Jeff!"

Joker didn't know if it was the way she shouted his name or the way her inner walls clamped down on his length, but the tension was suddenly unbearable and he came with a loud groan while burying himself inside her as deep as he could, spilling his seed within her. He said her name again and again as wave after wave of pleasure rolled through him and he could see stars even though his eyes were closed.

After several blissful seconds his breathing started to slow down and he became aware that she had collapsed on top of him, hugging him as she was coming down from her high. He draped his arms around her and held her close.

This would be a perfect time to tell her. If he had the nerve.

They stayed like that for several minutes before she untangled herself, shot him a beautiful smile and went to the bathroom to clean up.

He stayed in bed, forcing his stunned mind to think of what just happened and what would happen now. He still hadn't told her. Maybe she got it from that first kiss, maybe not, but he needed her to know. He needed to be sure that she knew, even if she would reject him. Joker promised himself he'd tell her. This might have been a one time thing for her, but now that he'd tasted her once he desperately wanted more and he wasn't going to stay silent out of fear this time. Fear was for the Reapers, not for this.

When she came out of the bathroom and back to bed, she moved close to him and put her head on his shoulder while she draped her arm across his stomach. _No time like the present._

"So, what happens now?"

He could feel her smiling against his chest as she nuzzled closer.

"Whatever you want."

He pondered that for a moment, trying to figure out exactly what she meant.

"What do _you _want?"

"You."

Even in his tired and sated state, his heart started pounding at that one word. Could she mean what he thought she meant? _She just slept with you. Anything is possible_.

When he didn't answer or say anything at all, she raised herself on her elbow and looked at him with a fond smile on her face.

"I don't want to pressure you into anything, but I've... cared for you since the days on the SR-1. If you want me, I'm yours."

He stared at her for several seconds before surging up and claiming her mouth with his. The kiss was deep, tender and slow. He tried to convey everything he didn't seem able to say in that one kiss, pouring his heart out and letting her know how much she meant to him.

He was no good with words for this kind of thing, all he had was sarcasm and witty comments.

And yet, he'd promised himself he'd tell her.

"I love you"

There. He'd said it.


End file.
